Subconscious Influences

Hey, that title isn’t random at all.

*Disclaimer: I believe there are things in this world that we cannot explain. For instance, some people have psychic abilities, others have intuitions or feelings, some are geniuses or prodigies (which, I warrant, is also something supernatural). So, I believe that subconscious influences also exist somehow, and I am working on figuring out not only what they are but also why they’re here in the first place. If you are one of those people who don’t believe in the supernatural or strange things like that, you may call me crazy or insane or you may just stand up and back away from your computer slowly. I understand. I admit I have the capability to be crazy…but then…doesn’t everyone? Well, that certainly didn’t help my case. Just…I thought I would share my findings, that’s all.


The subconscious mind is an interesting thing; it holds all this information and throws things at you at odd times (like flashbacks) or tells you things that confuse you (like déjà vu). I admit that I believe that I may be more “in touch” with my subconscious more than others, for my dreams tend to make perfect sense to me, and I always seem to be “out of it” even when I’m awake. Plus, I am intrigued by the idea of seemingly magical or otherworldly things occurring alongside real events (which is why most of my books tend to reflect this idea). So, it naturally didn’t phase me when a book suddenly came to me from thin air (Subtle, Flowing Changes) during one of the most insane years of my life.

Since SFC and 2011, I have been receiving sudden bursts of inspiration from totally random places. Literally every day I drove home from school in 2011, I arrived at home with a new book or short story idea. It drove me nuts. I knew I couldn’t keep them all; I even put some up for adoption on Kidpub while I was there (I miss KP so much). But I kept the important ones–the ones that resonated with me. Thus, all my billions of notebooks and folders and Word documents dedicated to individual books.

But the idea of Cera still baffled me to no end. Where did she come from? Why does she appear randomly, spout her narration like a recording, and then leave? Why did she totally ignore me and make me finish her book? (Probably because, as I recently learned, she hates the idea of someone knowing too much about her. Too bad for her because I’m exposing her as a liar in SFC College). Though I had many questions, I didn’t seek any answers then because I was still too stupid to figure things out myself. But I knew one thing for certain: Cera was the first subconscious influence. I had yet to learn more about those later…

While writing, I learned that songs had a big influence on the emotions and words of the character/subconscious influence that was working through me. One day, I was sitting in study hall in school, and one girl was playing that “Drizzle Path” song (from some foreign movie called “Secret.” I think it’s in Chinese or Japanese) on the piano nearby. Pluvia, the pondering 9-year-old who was writing through me that day, began spouting profound nonsense (Just kidding, Pluvia. It made sense later) to the tune and emotion of that song. The occurrence felt profound, for I felt like Pluvia at the time, but it–again–didn’t entirely strike me as odd because I always work better when listening to music. So, I always think of Pluvia as having the first known “soul song,” or a song that embodies or literally portrays the character’s unique soul or essence. In other words, it’s as though the song and character are exactly the same being–y’know, in an emotional or psychological sense. Synonymous.

And then came “The Fountain of Dreams.” Oh, my goodness. That story literally came out of nowhere. Of course, it came while I had a massive writer’s block and while I was (as usual) horrendously ill. Whenever I get my signature colds (which always turn into something worse), my head always feels nonexistent, and my thoughts are never my own. I turn either paranoid or brainless, and my consciousness feels as though it’s completely gone on vacation (more than usual). So I guess, in hindsight, that’s why these things always occur more strongly when I’m sick. Anyway, after all the pain and suffering, I returned upstairs probably to force some words out of myself when I flicked on the song “Villa Medici Fountain” (part of the “Fountains of Rome” by R.P.G. or Otterno Respighi). All the sudden, random words flew through my head; random emotions coursed through my veins and pounded some true warmth to my cold, undead heart. I actually had a story. I decided to write down all the words and connect them somehow. Naturally, I got nowhere. Actually being smart for once, I played the song again and wrote the story while listening to the song. Boy, did my writer’s block end. And man, was that story wierd. Yet another subconscious influence–complete with soul song! That also might have been the first story mood song, which is kinda the same thing as a soul song except it’s for a story and it is fleeting–it never comes back.


Now, years later (Who am I kidding? It’s only been 3 years), I am still trying to solve the mystery. While I’m still not sure where subconscious influences come from, I know that they each have a purpose, a means of communication, and a soul song (most of them, anyway). For instance, FM came out of nowhere (Well, the idea of him came from that infamous video, which inspired me to make a character that is not taken seriously be very complex and intriguing while also being someone you sympathize with despite the fact that you’d never think you’d ever feel sorry for them). His way of communicating with me was through actual writing; I would play his soul song, and he would say the words, which I would then type. He never explained who he is or anything other than in narration, so I had to learn how to understand feelings and decipher story and narrative context, which is what I was trying to learn at the time. He is one of the true subconscious influences, for things he said back in 2012 are still true now (oftentimes I forget things or change characters around arbitrarily. Or sometimes early things don’t make sense because I learn something new about the character or plot later), and he always seems to scare me with his brilliant ways of writing. Plus, his soul song is so eerily faithful, that FM comes every time I play it–and the song has become synonymous to him. Obviously his purpose was to teach me about analyzing and learning things through reading, but I think he also taught me about another great way of writing.

As for Cera, she obviously came out of nowhere, but she didn’t do much other than quote chapters and leave. Even now, I tried to do “soul song tests,” where I listen to her soul song and write whatever comes to mind, and she refuses to tell me anything. I feel that, oddly enough, soul songs are supposed to make the respective character gush all their suppressed feelings or emotions, much like the “Piano in the House” episode of “The Twilight Zone.” But sometimes this is not the case (Well, only in CB’s case)

Some stories and characters convey their messages simply through episode-like visions (I really should have been born an animator, but I digress), and others convey through words. It’s really hard to explain, and it’s even harder to try to predict what one will do over the other.

What’s even more confusing is that not all of my books’ characters are subconscious influences! Some are just static characters, some come and go, and others are ones so closely related to me or ones I know so well that they are basically nothing (Rather, it’s second nature to write about them). The ones that are subc influences tend to be complex characters that, in extension, have something to teach or impart upon me. Stank, they’re the reason I’m writing books in the first place. I don’t know why they’re here or where they’ve come from, but I have to at least listen to what they’re saying XD



[For reasons unknown, the obligatory marketing section has been eradicated from existence. I’m sorry to say that you will be safe for now from the wrath of a desperate author. Please return next week to see it magically appear again as though nothing out of the ordinary had previously occurred]

For more info about subconscious influences, please consult the following articles and pages:

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For any questions, please consult the query department (*aka* the comments box)

Please have a nice day, and don’t worry, this disease isn’t contagious. At least, I don’t think so…

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… [throws computer out window] Now it works!


4 Responses to “Subconscious Influences”

  1. titansz

    It had been a few years since the last time I had a déjà vu feeling. I used to have them often, well about at least one per month. However, in late Nov. driving to, at, and from, my grandma’s birthday party I had a déjà vu feeling again finally. It confused me so much since I had three in one day so close in time, with in two hours. Since then I have had more feelings of déjà vu.

    A few days later, out of nowhere I had a flashback. More then 11+ years ago in grade school at SMI in a town called Plainfield, where during recess I walked up to and talked to this shy girl who was alone in a red sweatshirt, by the right exit of the newly expanded part of the school. It is sooo strange, because this memory has never hit me before, and now it is stuck in my head. I have no idea why it is bothering me, why it came back now, what the girls’ name is…. It is so strange.

    I will share an experience I have had about music influences. There is a music album of twenty songs that tell a story, and I remember getting so into the story/songs, my emotions would follow the emotions of the songs I had listened to that day, for I did not listen to all twenty in one day. Such as if I ended on a sad song, I would have sad thoughts till I listened to more and it ended on lets say a happier song part, then I was happy, or a confusing part, I would be confused and so on. It was weird now that I think back because this was not the first time listening to these songs.

    I must admit, there have been times where when I am sick, my mind just totally goes bonkers. If I was being watched, I would have been sent into an insane asylum. I walked around the house, fighting in some non-existent battle, with numbers big/small, forces strong/weak, tall/small, hard/soft, pressure heavy/light, for hours. Funny/non-funny thing is, I remember it all too well :( . I can clearly remember/ see myself throwing crimpled little pieces of paper into a vase in the addition room as part of the fight.

    And honestly CRK, I do not think you are crazy.

  2. penguingirl12

    I’m glad I’m not the only one XD Whenever I’m sick, I get a terrible cough that won’t leave and a terrible headache. I usually feel like I’ve been run over by an 18-wheeler. And whenever I’m in the dark, I get paranoid because I feel like something’s going to possess me (plus the darkness makes fuzzy pictures like static). I don’t miss those days once they’re over.
    Same with the songs except I get stories and pictures from songs–there must be a TV trapped in my head or something…

    Wait a minute…you’re near Plainfield??? O.o

  3. titansz

    …Yes I live around near Plainfield…… ..
    If you read my “Flicker” book review, you’ll see my fear of the dark. yes, I see the static of the darkness, kind of looks like little fireflies flying around.

  4. penguingirl12

    Sorry, I was just surprised because I live near/around there, too o.O Strange…

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