This is Why I Write


Every now and then, the writer’s fancy leaves me. It just hides in the darkest crevices and ignores me completely, waiting for insanity and depression to bind me and drive me nuts again before it leaps from the shadows to raise my spirits to the sky once again.

So, meanwhile, all I can do is read over my stuff I have already written–again and again and again and again and again. In hopes that some twinge of lost emotion will pervade my heart.

[Slams keyboard] STANKIN WIERDOS WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM??!!

Sigh.

Anyway, I’m just here to say something… The one thing I’ve noticed is that one profound epic of a side-story (of ZCN/TIES, naturally) is calling my soul more so than my actual story. That is the story of That Child (I’m not worthy to say his name), a sweet soul who has come to me like all the other characters, yet I am most fond of him. He doesn’t seem like everyone else. He seems…real. I dunno. Wierder things have happened with me.

Anyway, the long novel is called Variations on a Theme of ZCN/TIES: The Orch School Saga (Variations~OSS for short). This is all about drama in college; rather, drama in a music academy. As simple as that sounds, the book is nothing but simple. In fact, this is where I coined the term “Drahm epi” (dramatic episode), which is a dramatic chapter/episode all about a certain character (you know me–all about characters). That’s basically all this book is is drama–and boy, do I love my drama.

But, I’m getting off again… This book scares me because it seems like every time I write about That Child (in 3rd person, mind you; an impossible feat for me), he sounds so…alive. Like his essence is breathing and smiling on those pages–in those words–among those dotted letters. It’s surreal. But, I feel compelled to finish this book more than anything (kinda like my call to finish FM’s lovely novels). Even more so than the fictional representation of my stankin life story. Maybe this is who I am? I’m all about characters and psychological whatever and drama…sooooo

Maybe I…am meant to write his story this way?

I dunno. This will make no sense to anyone, I’m sure (I refuse to tell the whole story of my reasons for writing this post and my reasons for this insane epiphany for fear that…people will throw me into a mental ward somewhere), but I just wanted to throw this out there.

I want so badly to finish OSS. Please [falls to knees] Let me finish it!!!

 

Sigh. That Child…

Why? Why do I…connect with him so much?

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